November Column from Irish American News

Here’s my November column from IAN. Hope to see you all at O’Donovan’s on Wed. night. See below for details.
Merry Christmas

Hooliganism
By
Mike Houlihan

Can God be tricked?

Of course not you say, God is the epitome of wisdom and would never fall for anything, especially any goofy scheme dreamed up by the likes of me.

So it would be foolish to assume that God could be flattered or conned into doing anything. But love, well that’s a different story.

I know God loves me and will answer my prayers. He certainly has before, lots of times, a series of miracles over the years. In fact just about anything I ever really, really wanted I prayed for and got. And He keeps telling me “Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door shall be opened”

So here’s my trick. I constantly thank him in advance for helping me whenever I ask. It’s not a con because I know He will come through for me…eventually. So as we hit Thanksgiving this month why not try to thank the Lord for all the gifts He has given us, but also the blessings He will bestow in the future.

Maybe try thanking God every day for winning Lotto. Finally your numbers come in and you drop dead of a heart attack as you are overcome with joy. Well, you didn’t pray for that…or did you? Certainly the gift will help your family pay for your funeral and you can go to Heaven knowing that your prayers have been answered and your kids and grandchildren will drive fancy cars and never have to work another day in their lives. I’ll take that any day Lord.

The key to getting the big prayers answered is to make sure you give thanks for the little ones. Like that parking space that just popped up out of nowhere or the twenty-dollar bill you find on the floor of the ladies room. Or the fact that Oprah has stopped doing her show. Thank you Jesus!

I have lots to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. I sold my house last year and got a pretty good price for it. In this economy, that’s a miracle. I spent over a year praying for that one.

My grand daughter Charlotte is now two years old, thanks be to God.

I moved south to become the Baron of Berwyn and started attending St. Odilo Catholic Church. Turns out St. Odilo is the only parish in the United States dedicated to the Souls in Purgatory and every time I set foot in the church it’s worth a special indulgence of 200 days. It’s like going to the bank for me, since my wife tells me that the average stay in purgatory is 40 years and she implies that I will be doing even harder time. But at the rate I’m going at St. Odilo’s with the indulgences, I’ll be out in a couple years max. Hey I can do that standing on my head.

Actually standing on your head is what they make the Protestants do in purgatory. Or so I’ve heard.

I’m also thankful for the pastor at St. Odilo, Father Tony Brankin. He was at St. Thomas More for years on the south side before coming to Berwyn. This guy is terrific, an old school preacher. He’s not afraid to call out the phony Catholic politicians in our state who promote abortion and “marriage” for gaysters. And he blasts away at these fakers right from the pulpit.

And let me tell ya, after a week of the likes of Anderson Cooper and Rachel Maddow talking about “their” version of the world, it’s damn refreshing to hear Tony Brankin tell it like it is as he calls out their ilk as “pod people” and “moral zombies!”

I’m also thankful for The Skinny & Houli Show sponsors, Our Irish Cousins donors, Social Security, my family, and Herman “The Herminator” Cain.

Those are all answered prayers. And what about the future goodies I’m giving thanks for this Thanksgiving? Well, that’s between The Lord and me.

After all, a magician never reveals his greatest trick. But I’ve definitely got something up my sleeve. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

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